How To Make Him Fall in Love With You
Once upon a time, I had no clue about dating. Or relationships. Or what it took to get one.
Like most girls my age, I ate up the stories my friends told me about their sexual exploits. If Kelly and Jim were caught french kissing behind the bleachers, I wanted to know what french kissing was. If Jill made out with her cute next door neighbor, I wanted to what making out was and whether it was any fun.
My mother’s women’s magazines filled in the gaps that my friends couldn’t. Ladies Home Journal and Good Housekeeping often had articles about what kept relationships together, what kept them hot, and just enough social science to fill in the picture.
But by the time I reached college, my knowledge of dating was still so nebulous that I felt more embarrassed than open-minded about my half-understood longings. It was easier to focus all my energy on what I understood – my studies and career – than what I felt hopeless about.
Most of us prefer to focus our energies on what we know and are good at. It’s basic human nature. It gives us greater satisfaction to achieve in an arena where results are measurable and within our reach.
Relationships, on the other hand, are messy no matter how good you get at them. Just look at the love lives of so many experts in the field of marriage counseling and relationship advice. As one clinical psychologist joked to me, “We’re so good at counseling other people because we’ve failed so many times ourselves!”
And, indeed, mistakes are the best starting place to learn from.
What You Need from Dating Advice
Obviously, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to know more about how relationships work, what’s going on in men’s minds, what dating strategies are most effective, and how you can relate to men in such a way that your connection keeps growing deeper.
One thing that I’ve always felt is ironic is that women spend a disproportionate amount of time working on their relationship skills in comparison to men. While men are generally happiest when everything’s going fine (and avoid conflict or turn a blind eye when they’re not), women are always seeking to improve things, even if they’re already good.
We’re never satisfied with the relationships we have. We’re always wanting to fine-tune them to make them better.
There’s nothing wrong with a desire to improve your skills at relating to men. If you’re anything like I was ten years ago, learning about dating and relationships is not only important but necessary. We’re bombarded with too much unqualified advice from friends and generic advice columns that don’t have much statistical or scientific backing.
So over the next few weeks and months, I am going to share with you what I know about dating and relationships. My advice is backed by years of research in the field – not word-of-mouth passed down from my mother and her mother, nor the experiences of a select group of my friends. Although I believe we can learn a lot from the people around us, all such advice is biased to a certain degree by that person’s life experiences, values, and beliefs.
You don’t have to stick with the same old bad advice everyone else has been given! My goal is to empower you so that you know what you can do to attract men, why it works, and what the results will be.
But from then on … it’s up to you.
If you find yourself constantly frustrated with men, and just want a real connection with a man that loves you for you, you NEED to watch this video
What I Ended Up Learning
Ten years ago, I made a vow to myself to educate myself in the science of relationships. Soon, my friends were coming to me with the questions they couldn’t ask anyone else. Even if I didn’t know the answer, I always knew who did. Soon I discovered in myself an amazing ability to talk frankly without embarrassment when it came to those tricky, delicate subjects that we have a hard time sharing with anyone.
My connection with men grew deeper, and I found that I was able to ask men questions that no one had ever asked them, such as what it meant when they lost that spark for someone, what they liked best about their most memorable girlfriends, and why they were attracted to certain women and not others. They enjoyed sharing their insights with me, because they rarely had the opportunity to talk so freely outside of their intimate relationships.
Some of what I learned in these informal interviews was this:
- Men want to be needed. They want to have a place in your life and to feel your gratitude when they can help you with something important. They love doing things for you, because one of their greatest joys is seeing you satisfied. As a result, they sometimes find independent women less attractive than traditionally feminine women, because they want to feel that they can contribute to a woman’s life.
- Men want to be respected. They feel emasculated when a woman second-guesses them and tries to do everything for them. One of men’s greatest pet peeves is being nagged. Although they may not be good at making plans, they’d rather a woman accept a more chaotic life than do all the organizing herself and resent him for it. Nevertheless, if a woman gets in the habit of mothering a man, he’ll accept it … though he may end up acting more like a child as a result.
- Men want to be admired. There’s something about the light that shines from a woman’s eyes when she looks at a man with desire that makes every man fall a little deeper in love. The loss of that gaze is a nail in the coffin of a relationship. Although we all can admire a man when we’re in the first flush of love, it’s hard to maintain our high regard for him when we see his grumpy moods, the way he leaves dishes pile up in the kitchen, and the childish way he reacts in an argument. One of the biggest challenges for a long-term relationship is keeping that look alive.
Do any of these points ring true for you in your experience with men? Now, if you would have asked my teenage self what men wanted, back then I would have answered.
- Men want sex.
- Men want a beautiful girlfriend that they can show off.
- Men want someone who’s “cool” and not emotionally needy.
What I didn’t know then is that men grow up, too. Although men still retain that “boy” self who’s fascinated by buxom women, the challenge of a woman who’s hard to get, and sexual conquest, most men in this world are simply ordinary guys who do want to eventually have a wife and a family. Just look at the statistics: most people will get married in their lifetime.
If you want to be the kind of woman who inspires a man to commit for lasting love, focus on cultivating traits that will satisfy men who want the qualities in the first list, not the second.
The “How to Be Irresistible to Men” Perspective
You might be wondering why this blog is any different from the zillion and one other dating columns out there! How is my perspective different from that of all those other dating “experts”? So I’m going to share a secret with you. Here is a sneak peak of the “How to Be Irresistible to Men” Plan for Success.
If you want to follow the “How to Be Irresistible to Men” plan to attracting better men, experiencing better relationships, and creating deeper commitment, you’ll focus on mastering the Three Pillars of Relationship Success.
- Increasing your own self-awareness. This includes awareness of how your emotions affect your behaviors, how your past experiences shape your view of the world, and how your expectations and belief systems lead you to recreate the relationships over and over again.
- Understanding your partner. This includes understanding how men are different from women, learning to listen to what he means rather than what he says, and creating a communication style that encourages connection.
- Taking responsibility for creating the relationship you want. All too often, we do what we feel like doing rather than what will actually work to get us what we want … then we don’t accept responsibility for the unsatisfactory outcome. I believe that all of us need to take responsibility for our love lives rather than blaming it on dumb men, on our looks or age, or on other factors that we can’t control.
What makes a man fall in love?
A man falls in love with you because he knows he can be himself around you. He falls in love with you because he feels SAFE expressing his innermost, private feelings with you.
He feels this way because he knows that you can handle your feelings. He can sense that. And because he senses that at the most unconscious level, he starts to long for your company, for your touch, for your affection. He may not even know why he feels this way.
Once a man feels safe around you, he starts to long for your company, for your touch, and for your affection. He may not even know why he feels this way. All he knows is that there’s something special about you that he doesn’t feel with any other woman in his life. He’s in love.
Many of us are wrong about why a man falls in love
We think a man needs sex, or has to have a fabulously gorgeous woman with a great body. We think a man falls for us because we’re sweet to him, and kind, and giving. ESPECIALLY giving.
So we do things for him. We cook lovely meals and offer deep, thoughtful advice on whatever troubles him.
We light candles whenever he comes over. We put on our sexiest clothes and buy lacy lingerie.
“We give our bodies, our souls, our minds to him. And STILL he tells us that he’s not sure how he feels.” We become exclusive with him without even a passing thought to what WE want, or whether or not he has met our needs yet for a secure, loving and committed relationship.
And STILL he tells us that he’s not sure how he feels. Or he becomes distant and moody. Or he stops calling or asking us out as often as he used to. Or he does something very hurtful, or cheats on us, or tells us that he doesn’t believe you’re “meant” to be together.
This happens because deep down, you didn’t trigger love in his HEART. You didn’t connect on the deepest, most intimate level … his feelings.
How to connect with a man’s heart
First, here’s what doesn’t connect with a man’s heart: When you tell a man about what you think about the relationship, or what you did that day, or what you think of the latest news you’ve read or the gossip at work. He listens. He participates in the conversation. But his feelings aren’t triggered.
That’s because you share everything but who you are. You put up walls with him without even knowing you’re doing it. You decide not to tell him the sorrow you felt that morning or how a friend made you happy by calling you and cheering you up.
Or, you actually don’t even pay attention to your own emotions. You’re too busy with your to-do lists and tasks.
But if you were to allow yourself to FEEL what you’re feeling, and then speak from those feelings, you would make him feel safe and connected to you.
It seems like such a simple thing. But for so many of us, it’s such a counter-intuitive thing. It’s difficult. We’re not used to being juicy, sexy, FEELING creatures. So many of us are programmed to be doing, thinking, managing, worrying creatures. Unfortunately, these qualities make a man feel nothing around you.
When you become a feminine, juicy, sensual FEELING creature, you magnetize him simply by being what you were always meant to be…an alluring woman who is soft on the outside, but strong and resilient on the inside.
How do you do that? It’s easy when you know exactly how to use your feelings and emotions to communicate the irresistible feminine quality that lures a man in. In my eBook, I teach you all about how to shift your vibe by changing your words and body language and attract a man’s heart, not just his body and mind.
He wants to take you in his arms and keep you forever.
This is the “secret psychology” of men and love.
I say it’s a secret because it’s little-understood by women (AND men). It’s rare that either you or he will know exactly WHY he feels mesmerized by you and wants to get close to you and pursue you for something serious and long-lasting.
That’s all for today… good luck!
For More tips on How To Make Him Fall in Love With You CLICK HERE